Ok so even though it can’t top seasons two, three, and four, season five is definitely a great season. It could almost be intertwined with season four as far as the overall glossiness of it. Things really changed in this season. Daphne Zuniga was out (Jo left at in the season four finale and is mentioned once in the season five premiere) and she would not be the only one to go. By the end of season five, Courtney Thorne-Smith (Alison), Grant Show (Jake), Josie Bissett (Jane), Laura Leighton (Sydney), and Marcia Cross (Kimberly) were all gone. There were some great additions – Rob Estes and Lisa Rinna (Kyle and Taylor), Kelly Rutherford (Megan), Alyssa Milano (Jennifer), Brooke Langton (Samantha), and David Charvet (Craig) – but the lack of beloved characters is, in my opinion, what led to lackluster seasons six and seven.
I do like the way some of the departing characters are written out. Kimberly, finally overcoming all of her mental problems, struggles with getting her life back to normal but succumbs to cancer and dies of a brain tumor (she really is dead this time). Bad luck befalls Sydney on her wedding day, who is tragically killed after finally finding a man who will love her for who she really is. Jake runs off to be with his son and his ex. Alison leaves for Atlanta to start fresh, and Jane also decides it’s time to say bon voyage (which is good because I think the insanity Kimberly finally got rid of leaked over into Jane’s storyline).
Season Five is the last really great season. I enjoyed Season Six and some parts of Season Seven, but not very much.
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SEX, SEX SEX!!! That’s all this show is about. Watching Season 5 is like watching p-o-r-n-o, minus the really bad acting (well, mostly) and incredibly fugly chicks! It’s cheap and vulgar and obscene and I love it!!!
These are the Season 5 Usual Suspects, Guests, Recurring Stars & Various Nobodys:
** Thomas Calabro / Dr. Michael h-o-r-n-y-as-a-toad-Mancini (he was the only character who was on the entire Series, without leaving; on entire Season)
** Heather The Star Locklear / Amanda “Queen of the Jungle” Woodward (on entire Season, after all she’s the Stah)
** Andrew Shue / Billy boring-boring-boring Campbell (regrettably, he was on the entire Season)
** Josie Bissett / Jane Mancini (on up until the middle of Season 5 when she left the Series; she came back just over a year latter in Season 6)
** Courtney Thorne-Smith / Allison Parker (Allison’s name has been spelled with both 1 “L” and 2, for this review, I’m spelling it with 2.) (on the entire Season too, thankfully it was her last)
** Grant Show / Jake the-sexiest-man-in-the-world Hanson (Jake was my kind of man, young and dumb and eager to please; on the entire Season; but this would be his last, sadly!)
** Doug Savant / Matt the-token-g-a-y Fielding (almost as boring as Billy, on the entire Season)
** Jack Wagner / Dr. Peter Burns (aka Dr. Feelgood or Dr. Jungle-Fever) (entire Season)
** Laura Leighton / Sydney Andrews (entire Season, this would also be Syd’s last!)
** Marcia Cross / Dr. Kimberly (the most desperate housewife there is!) Shaw (left during the middle of Season 5, sadly because she was my favorite kook!)
** Rob Estes / Kyle (the Jake-wannabe) McBride (entire Season)
** Kelly Rutherford / Megan the-happy-hooker Mancini (originally Lewis) (started after the Season began in a small part that flourished into recurring status, similar to what happened to Lexi (aka “Mood Hair”) in Season 6)
** Brooke Langton / Samantha Reilly (I hated this one more than even Allison, on entire Season, unfortunately)
** Lisa Rinna / Victoria “Vicki” Taylor McBride (I love Taylor & her big lips, on entire Season)
** David Charvet / Craig Field (after Jake, Craig was the hottest man in the building, started after the Season began, but was on the rest of the Season)
** Alyssa Milano / Jennifer Mancini (only had a small recurring role, towards the end of the Season, although she’d be back in Season 6)
** Patrick Muldoon / Richard Hart (left towards the beginning of the Season after like the 2nd ep, BTW, did get you a load of Richard’s hirsute? Very sexy!)
** Dey Young / Dr. Irene Shulman otherwise known as “that Shulman Creature” by Taylor (only had a small recurring role, but she always managed to make a big splash (pardon the pun) when she was on)
** Katie Wright / Chelsea Fielding (only had a small & boring recurring role)
** Greg Evigan / Dr. Dan Hathaway (in the only, and I mean Only time in the entire history of “Melrose,” Matt was involved in an interesting storyline, thanks to Dan, only on part of the Season in a recurring role)
** The late Scott Plank (like “Roseanne” star, Glenne Quinn, he passed away in 2002) / Nick Re@rdon (not on entire Season, just had a recurring role)
** Edie McClurg / Hilda Morris (only on 3 eps, but this big-mama always managed to snatch the spotlight from Syd)
On one ep Amanda could be having a drunken roll in the sack with Craig on another she could be running into Kyle’s cockpit! And, when sex-crazy Michael wasn’t getting it at home (everyone’s favorite kook Kimberly was suffering from a severe case of frigidity) he simply found a hooker (courtesy of his wife!) who satisfied all of his needs. Wasn’t it so funny when Amanda made that pathetic celibacy vow? It only lasted about as long as it took her to slip out of her micro-mini! Just about everyone is getting their mojo strung. Except, of course for poor old Hilda Morris! Although, I seriously think that if Syd had fixed Hilda up with one of the resident-hotties (Jake, Billy or Matt, although he doesn’t swing that way) Hilda would have dropped her ludicrous lawsuit quicker than you can say “G-Spot.” Speaking of g-spots, didn’t Taylor look like she was always getting it on with herself. It looked like she was always in this extreme heat of passion, like she was having an intense o-r-g@-s-m all the time! And when Peter came buzzing around her Taylor simply couldn’t wait to jump his bones! Surprisingly, always-hungry-for-sloppy-seconds, Alison, only plays leap-frog with Jake during this Season! Although, Jake is enough man to satisify any woman! He’s like a big, juicy, meaty, steak; you just can’t wait to wrap your lips around it…! …Like a Virgina Slim, it always fills your mouth with flavor! …I tend to think that Samantha Riley used her sex as a weapon to control Billy. She was more shameless than…
Come on release Volume 2 of the fith season of Melrose Place. Do it now